Greetings ... John here. I'm 19 this year and I'm currently pursuing a diploma in a local polytechnic. For those who are reading my blog for the 1st time, I just wanna let y'all know that this blog has just been 'renovated' and I've deleted all the previous postings. This blog will be very different from the previous one. Please continue reading to understand what I'm talkin' about.
For those who had read the previous postings, I really wanna apologise for the ... maybe I should say fright ... for those who are freaked out by 'em ... and I'm also really sorry and I also wanna apologise for those who feel offended after readin' those stuffs. However, I really hope that all of ya understand that the reason I wrote those intimidating messages was due to the fact that I was damn depressed for many years to the extent that I really need to vent out all my angst, frustrations etc. I've been bullied and discriminated etc in the past. I don't deny that I had my flaws too. However, even if I tried to change myself, there are just many people who don't gimme a chance to do so. As in, they continued doing mean shit to me, such as provoking me into getting involved in fights against them (most of such people are bigger size than me and they know that I'm NOT their match then). Most of such assholes exist in my secondary school, when I was studyin' there, or perhaps they were childish then, God knows.
After my secondary school years, I worked as a temporary staff at a departmental store. I thought my life would change for the better. But, many incidents such as misunderstandings between my colleagues and I etc proved me WRONG. As you see, I was driven into depression during my secondary school years and I hoped that things will be fine for me after graduating. Then, many bad things occured to me during my 'pre-poly' days at my work place. As a result, my depression turned from bad to worse and I've began to perceive socializing as something pointless. My mentality was, "What is the fucking point of making friends when it is always either I don't see genuine peers or I will likely end up getting hurt, be it physically or not?" I also felt maybe the solution for such nonsense is to avoid making friends as much as I can and learn NOT to trust anyone.
This is the reason why during my first year in polytechnic, I was very anti-social. I don't mix around and talk to my fellow course mates much, due to the depression I'm suffering from. I admit I was very disillusioned with many things around me.
When I realised that it wasn't right for me to see everybody as potential enemies, after all, the people in my course are fine. Hence, I began socialising and mix around with my classmates etc.
Now, I'm already in my 3rd year of studies, the final year. I strongly believe that it's time that I let go of the past and move on in life.
Before I end this essay, I wanna say this, to those that I had offended greatly in the past, whether is it due to my previous postings or maybe those people that I've given the impression I had something against them due to my 'anti-social' behaviours etc, my APOLOGIES to them. Besides, I also wanna say SORRY to those lecturers that I had threatened (as seen in my previous postings).
P.S. : The next postings, I will share my past experiences in details as well as my beliefs etc. I also wanna update my blog a little.
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